Does it rock your confidence?
Fall 7 times, stand up…Oh you know the damn quote! Screw the quote! I’m OVER living that quote!
Yesterday started out as the most glorious day! The two hours I spent wandering around Walmart 2 days before Thanksgiving was an energy resource risk I was willing to take in order to be able to chill at home and prep the day before the big day. Short lines, warmer weather and a parking space close to the doors made for a seamless experience. Next up was a fun meetup with my mom introducing her to a cozy coffee shop she’d never been to before. Then, onto my haircut and ultimately the 25-minute drive home. It was almost 4 p.m. and I’d been up at 7 & on the road by 11. It felt so good to pack so much productivity AND fun all into one day. Like so many of us, energy allotment and conservation is part of our daily calculation for success (productivity, contribution, engagement, etc.).
I got home and needed to take the groceries into the house. I grabbed the empty wagon I use to transport my bags across the garage. I started walking to the back of the car and literally in a split second I was falling forward. I’d lost my grip on the wagon handle with no means to catch myself but elbows and hands. I was all too familiar with this particular freefall and with thoughts of “I’m going to break my arm. I’m going to break my wrist, I’m going to break my hand.” racing through my mind as I was about to hit the concrete, I quickly twirled around so I could fall on my back without having to use my arms or hands. My upper right thigh broke the fall and I did a quick “Can I feel everything? Can I move everything?” body check before attempting to stand up. Except for the sore thigh, I was all good…or at least I thought I was. I made it into the house and noticed that it was a little more difficult to lift my right leg. Then my lower back started throbbing in the exact spot it always throbs when I’m about to get shingles. Then there was the dramatic finale when my entire body started to tremble. That’s when I knew it was time to sit the hell down. I made a quick cup of tea, left the groceries strewn across the kitchen and headed for a comfy chair to assess.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tripped and caught myself just before faceplanting MANY times…at least monthly, but I hadn’t actually hit the pavement in what seems like forever. But, forget about the pain or trembling or any other physical symptoms. Within less than hour of falling, I was already questioning whether I should go anywhere today, or if I should attempt go down the steps to the basement to haul up the spare Crock pot I need for tomorrow. I kept thinking “If I could fall under the best of circumstances (I wasn’t rushing. I was on a smooth surface. I was in my own home, so it’s not like I was out of my element!) then I could fall anywhere!” Just one incident hit my usual I can do anything confidence like a freight train. It’s like I was starting from scratch. As if it was the first time I’d ever fallen. Am I pissed about the fall? Of course! Am I more pissed at myself for not letting it roll off and just keep marching on like I typically do? Um, hell yes! It’s a mishmosh of fear, bruised ego and and a big fat FU MS that have me licking my wounds and spitting bullets at the same time.
Any thoughts on how your psyche handles “fall” situations? What do you say to yourself? Do you keep track of how many times you’ve fallen or when your last fall was? How quickly do you get back on the horse? Tips? Tricks? Bring it!! ❤️
Photo Credit: Amy Hedges Photography